A peek into my journal from June 28, 2010 
..
..
Today has been weird for sure, since our youth camp-out was last night- we stayed up throughout the night and morning. I went to bed today at 9am and got up at 4:45pm--which is a perfect sleep in Australia (11pm-6:45am) haha. Wow, though..my emotions are taking a toll on me because I've been so reflective and nostalgic lately. Every little daily activity reminds me of something from someone somewhere at sometime in my life-and a lot of thoughts fill my mind about who I was at certain points of my life as well. ie: when I used to help lead our church youth group 3 years ago.
Yesterday just reminded me of who I was then; not that that's an awful thing-per se, but for goodness SAKE- I have changed and grown in the past 3 years, right!? I'm not the same person (and neither do I want to be the same) as I was when I had just turned 20. When I feel some of the similar feelings popping into my actions, I want to stop myself and JUST BE ME-live in the NOW [humph]. I feel like I have taken steps backward. I want so badly to move forward and fulfill God's calling on my life, but I keep envying the past! By looking behind all the time, I have lost the ability to be productive and effective
here- now. I don't know what to do anymore.Now it's 12:46am, we are leaving for Seattle in 4 hours, and I'm not packed..and not in the mood to plan! I am so frustrated with myself...And to top it all off-I have to run a few things to the book drop at the library sometime in these next few wee hours.
..
[Then God gets ahold of my heart]
I started reading in "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World." I was thinking- dangit! I've had this book for a month and haven't read more than a few pages here and there. But tonight God wanted me to read page 206 (this being a friend's hotel room number that I took note of yesterday). Page 206 happened to be the last page of the book.
.
I just felt that was God's way of saying to me-- "Briana, for right now-this is all you need to read from this book. Don't fret about not having finished it, but recognize the couple treasures I've shown you and move forward from there."
To quote the last lines of that page--"So don't worry that you haven't arrived, my dear sister. Just don't give up on the process. Don't miss the journey. For it will be glorious! It will be worth it all." -Joanna Weaver
And just as fitting for the beginning of vacation-as well as in the grand scheme of my life- this quote that Weaver included at the very end of her book has truly become my prayer:
.
A PRAYER FOR THE JOURNEY
"O Christ, do not give me tasks equal to my powers,
but give me powers equal to my tasks,
for I want to be stretched by things too great for me.
I want to grow through the greatness of my tasks,
but I shall need your help for the growing."
-E. Stanley Jones
..
.
God, I know there's more ahead-greater things to look forward to. I won't give up- I just need your help.
