swirling dishes and positive things

Swirling Dishes...

[August 11, 2010]

I'm not sure how I feel right now. So many things are being tossed into the air-where they end up being in some anti-gravity swirl above my head.

And I'm just standing here catching glances of it, wondering when one of them will come back down or if I'm getting caught in it as well.

As I work through areas-every conversation, every cry, or journal writing of "lostness"-the areas of focus/subject of thought, etc.. slowly unstick themselves from my table. Even recently, (as in tonight, on the drive back from an outing) through exchanged words and personal thoughts, a couple more of my stable dishes started losing their hold. They began floating as a kite would-still tied to my table by a string, but the pull was too great and they too, were let go into my swirl atmosphere.

When will I be stable again?

How can I pull these things out of the air?

Can I even reach high enough to do that?

Will things come back down by themselves?

Are they gonna crash if they do?

please, God- be my stability-everything else is up in the air...

Positive Things...

[August 26, 2010]

I can't imagine being around dying-hurting people all night. Hmmm......

Ok, the reason I say that is because I was up all night-painting the..morning away :) And when I crashed in my bed, I thought of people like those on Grey's Anatomy: hospital employees who have long shifts-sometimes through the night-I simply wonder if they actually do love their job.

If that's the case, then I guess they really would just acclimate themselves to the schedule and adjust sleeping patterns, etc.

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That is exactly what I've done-I have gotten so much accomplished in the wee morning hours and I love it. I feel so spent by the end of it all, but there is nothing like a good sleep after an adrenaline-charged day/night of hard work (other than the fact that socially, it's a bit off, but..). Continuing with this example: I LOVE painting! Perhaps hospital employees and the like-love their job just as much and that's how they're able and why they want to keep on keepin on, yeah? Life doesn't need to be such a drudge!

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Somehow I have lost parts of myself along the way; but I want to be ME again-surround myself with positive things. =) God's been teaching me a lot about this lately. I am amazed at how many little unique traits, gifts, and skills ingrained in me, that I have dropped-thinking, "some day in the future, I'll have lots of time and a perfect place to start doing that again.."

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I'd encourage you to evaluate where you're at right now too. Do you love what you're doing? Or have you, for so long- pushed aside "for a future time," hobbies/activities/people in your life that make you smile? It's good and healthy to have some positive things surrounding you, so...get those paint brushes back out!