Eager Expectation

THIS IS THE MONTH! The month of renewal, of blessings, new relationships, life change.. October 21, 2009 entry: "You have something special in store for me next Fall-September specifically..." I am all Yours; waiting in eager expectation. I LOVE YOU.

Today I was planning to go to Ross (even though I wasn't scheduled..ahhh-huge blessing) ..and quit! I've been feeling like it's the right time, that God is asking me to trust him in money issues. I had this long conversation with my mom yesterday about how keeping my once-a-week job at Ross was my way of proving I wasn't lazy and providing for my World Vision sponsorship: it was my fall-back. It was a challenge to stay strong every time that I'd go in to work, because I felt so heavy-there were a lot of spiritual wars going on; but each time I'd think about quitting, God would say, "not yet." After praying about it over and over, I finally feel at peace with not having an income. I need to completely trust that my sponsored child, Yassin-who lives in Malawi, would be taken care of financially; and little day-to-day expenses would be covered supernaturally.

WELL: I never made it in to quit today because a friend of mine needed some immediate help and it took priority over my plans; but yeah-for whatever reason, it is taking a lot of courage to do this (!) I mentioned in a conversation with another friend yesterday how I have this fear, that without a job, people will think I'm lazy. He just responded with, "people don't think you're lazy-you just eat, sleep, and breathe ministry-and don't get paid for it."

As I was babysitting and thinking of Ross, and other jobs that I could do/apply for..to have an income, I just came to the conclusion that they would only suck my time, are relatively meaningless to the grand scheme of life, and it wasn't worth it for me! I felt like Ace Ventura on When Nature Calls: he's sitting there meditating and gets offered a job for money and he responds, "...your earthly money holds no appeal to me." Of course, he ends up taking the gig for a substantial amount after being persuaded, but that's not the point. The point is, he found something of more importance and money didn't hold the same appeal as it once did.

God wants me to do student ministry and worship ministry..and that's what I'm doing! I'm not getting paid, but in turn-I don't have to pay to live at home, (it really is all relative..) and I am relying on Him for provision. Now, here's the funny news: in lieu of recent changes at church, the leadership team tonight decided to give a small amount per week to whoever organizes/leads worship..

AHHHH God, you're just laughing aren't you? :)You told me when I first started up Ross again at the end of February that it would be for about 6 months. Of course, I thought it was saving up money to visit Australia again..(which you never know-could still happen because You are over everything) but I'm already seeing your plans unfold and today is only the FIRST DAY of September! Many more ahead...

God, you're so good!